Mizu Free!
by RavenWingDark
Summary: Episode Tag to 2x09 where Haru is completely overwhelmed by stress during regionals. It's only after Haru leaves during the race, that Makoto realizes something is very wrong and goes to comfort him. I wanted to get into Haru's head and add some more angst, h/c and fluff. Heavy bromance with Makoto and club members but can be seen as HaruMako. Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**I was sitting in my dorm room watching the second season of Free! when I was struck with a need to expand/go into Haru's mind during the regional tournament/college stress and give him a little comfort via Makoto. So I sat on my bed and typed this sucker up in about two hours or so. It's a one-shot but I have more ideas so please let me know if you're interested in reading more!**

* * *

Haru didn't know why he was putting on his tennis shoes late at night only nine hours before the start of regionals. He didn't know how Makoto could be so calm in the face of the "future". What he did know was right now, this hotel room felt some like a starting stall in a horse race. Slamming open, forced to race for the sake of everyone… How could he swim when there was so much on his shoulders? How was this _Free?_

Haru had barely run half a mile before his breath was becoming labored. He wanted to get his mind off of the daunting cliff that everyone was calling his "future". He wanted to swim but that would only remind him of the race tomorrow. Haru clenched his fists tight. It hurt even more that the water, _Free_ could only remind him of the expectations that were _drowning_ him. His breath hitched.

Everyone was working so hard for their goals. Haru was motivated, in some ways, to clear a path for himself. He did care. How could he not care about the steadily building pressure on his chest? Even if he tried to ignore it, it would never really fade, not anymore. Every choice had always been easy for him before, but what was 'Free' in the world he was being pushed to enter?

Haru realized he had been picking up his pace—almost sprinting—but he couldn't bring himself to stop. _Free, I want to be Free!_ He felt like he had missed coming up for air for several strokes in a race. _I want to swim for my friends!_ If he kept running like this, he'd fatigue in the 100 m tomorrow… _I don't swim for time! I don't swim for scouts! I swim…_ Haru's mind suddenly felt fuzzy. _I swim for…_

How long had it been since he swam because it was him against the wild spirit of the water? The cool feel against his body, the sensation of gliding through it… He'd been training to make regionals, he'd been training so his friends would be happy, he'd been training so Makoto and the others wouldn't worry that he was avoiding his future, he was…

Haru stumbled to a stop. He was in a park, unable to finish his thought. He doubled over as the sensation of copper and warm, thick saliva registered in his mouth. He legs were shaking violently as he spat. Vision blurry, his lungs had built so much pressure…

 _Haru-chan, what are you going to do for college?_

 _You'll swim of course, won't you? It would be a shame to waste such talent…_

Haru clenched his fists. They felt wet and clammy, so unlike the utterly indescribable sensation of water… Then they felt warm, sticky. Was that blood? Was he that—

 _Nanase-san, you really should compete at college-level. With the proper coach you could—_

"No!" Haru yelled, between gasps. Visions flashed in front of his eyes. His friends, pressuring him with good intentions, but prodding. He couldn't remember being so alone…

He was on the starting block, everyone else was ready. Their blank eyes held nothing at all. And there were the scouts. Glinting eyes and score sheets ready to judge something that wasn't intended to be anything but _Free…_

He wasn't sure when he realized it, or if he even knew until after the fact, but he was listing to the side one moment and collapsed on the grass the next, feeling as if his stomach had been left behind. He curled as best as he could as sweat and tears mixed in his eyes. He'd lived his life guarded by a brick wall from his emotions—he'd been given the ability to push everything so far back, he wasn't sure if things bothered him or not. Perfectly _indifferent…_ or so he thought. It felt like a dam breaking and a tidal wave of anxiety, both social and emotional overwhelming him. He pressed his face into the grass, trying to find some comfort. Why was it so hard to breathe? It was getting so dark…

* * *

"Sir? Sir? Are you alright?" A hand was shaking him. Haru's head lolled before he forced his eyes open, squinting at the street lamp. He was still in the park. Over him was a boy, probably a first-year student in high school. "You were passed out on the ground? Are you alright?" He asked frantically.

Haru pulled himself up carefully. His head ached as well as his hip, he probably fell pretty hard. He thought for a few moments before responding. His mind was still obsessively fixated with the competition. "Yeah. I'm fine." He ignored the boy's hand and pulled himself up on his weary legs. There were only a few hands he would take. "Thanks."

The boy was startled when Haru started to turn back to go to the hotel. "Wait, sir, shouldn't you go to the hospital?"

Haru narrowed his eyes slightly. "No."

* * *

Everyone moved into the starting position. Haru was no exception. That suffocating feeling settled back into this chest and stomach. He had gone back to the room in the early morning and slept fitfully for a few hours before staring up at the pristine ceiling of the hotel. No one had noticed his absence. Makoto knew something was wrong, he was good at that when it came to Haru. But something had been wrong for weeks and Makoto wasn't at fault for thinking it was any different now. After all, why wouldn't Haru be happy, on the starting block of a 100 m freestyle?

The gun started and they dived into the water with competitive synchronization. There was a good moment, where he was nothing but him and the almost silky feeling of cutting through water…Then he came up for his first breath. Immediately he was assaulted by sounds that overwhelmed him completely. Vaguely, he thought he could hear his teammates cheer for him, seconds into the race and he was already leading the others by a meter. On his second breath, he felt the excited, greedy eyes of the scouts on him. If he messed up, _when_ he messed up…

 _Since when do you care what they think?_ The water around him seemed to lurch unhappily. _A dolphin can't swim free when they flee from danger._

Haru's hand hesitated, creating a lop-sided stroke, he had to reach up further for air, messing with his form. _Is this danger? Is this me running? How can I be Free when I feel like I am being chased?_

 _You used to have the spirit of water, Haru. You used to understand. Swimming is more than this. This is just a fish in a tank…_ He felt the drag of water around him and his lungs built up pressure. He felt like he was being pulled back as the kicks of a swimmer started to pass him.

 _Whatever I want to do, this, right here right now, I don't want to do._ Haru's feet touched to bottom of the pool. I stood there, 25 meters into the race, emotionally empty as everyone passed him. People stood up and pointed in surprise. Who was this kid, would stop swimming in the middle of a sprint like that? He felt his "future" trickle down the drain. He walked the rest of the way, numb to the building pressure and pulled himself out of the water, making his way to the locker room before anyone could stop him.

* * *

Rin was pressing him against the locker. He was mad. Mad for his sake, probably. After all, Rin was also graduating and he was coping with going to college, so why shouldn't he? Haru knew Rin cared about his future. So why couldn't he care about his own future?

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"…It has nothing to do with you…"

"Like hell it doesn't! It was an important match with all the scouts watching!"  
"What do I care about that? Because the scouts are watching? So I can set a record? None of that is what I swim for."

Something in Rin's eyes changed. He was very serious now. So was Haru, whose numb indifference had melted away again.

"I swim for myself and for my friends!"

"Then swim for those friends and for your own sake! Do you not understand that what you do out there is going to impact your future? Don't you have a dream? Take this more seriously! I know you could—"

Something in Haru snapped. He shoved Rin back, brought his elbow back, slamming his fist into the locker. The sound reverberated in the dark room. Everything he'd internalized for weeks came spilling out like a crack in the hull of an oil-tanker. He could barely process the utterly _shocked_ expression Rin was giving him. He had never exploded like this. When Rin had told him he'd give up swimming because he lost, he'd felt hollow, when he'd said he'd never swim with him again, he'd been so distraught. He'd never felt something so frustrated before.

But now that he'd shown his rage and frustration, he couldn't stop it from pouring out.

"You're the one who doesn't understand! What dream? What future? It's you who cares about all that! I'm not you! I don't have any of that!" _Ambition, drive…any of it…_

He turned to leave. Standing there, blind-sided, were Makoto, Rei and Nagisa. He managed to return his expression to something more typical of himself, even though he might have re-opened the cuts on his palms with the fists that were clenched at his sides. He swallowed, dryly, not finding anything comforting to say to his friends. "Sorry, excuse me." His shoulder made contact with Makoto's upper arm. It was inevitable with his friend's broad physique and the limited space of a doorway. He couldn't bring himself to turn around, even when his friends called out to him. He started to run when he heard footsteps following him. The second pair of footsteps stopped in surprise.

Haru made to the park again before he sat at a bench over-looking the water. The sounds of the ocean and cries of the seagulls should have calmed him. It did the opposite. _Will I ever feel the water like I used to? Is this growing up? Losing this part of me—how could I?_ Haru grabbed his chest tight as it hammered inside of him. He saw images, the same ones from last night—wooden dolls swimming because they had no other purpose but to win, lost in their own suffocating ambition, then him slipping a hundred feet into water that felt like wet concrete. He lowered his head and grabbed fistfuls of his own wet hair. Why. Couldn't. He. Breathe?

"Haru? Haru!" He registered those same footsteps again, as they gained more urgency and he felt those familiar hands pull one of his own from his hair, which fell limply over his watery eyes.

Makoto grasped his trembling hand between both of his, holding it like he was the anchor and Haru the boat. "What's going on? Haru?" He voice was stressed, it hurt Haru to hear him that way, but Haru felt too numb, too exhausted to do anything. Sweat or water or tears dripped down Haru's cheek.

"We don't care that you stopped swimming but what's wrong? What happened?" Makoto felt a drip of something on his skin and opened his hands in surprise. There was a smear of blood on the larger's boy's hand from the small cuts on Haru's palm. Makoto's own hands started to shake. "Haru…"

"I can't do it, I can't do this, Makoto." Haru said thickly. "I'm _trapped."_ His breath hadn't recovered yet. "I don't want a 'future'. I want now! I want to continue to swim with my friends! I don't swim to win, I swim because nothing could ever feel like it…"

Makoto didn't say anything for several moments, there was no proud, blushing cry of 'Haru-chan!' that Makoto and the others typically punctuated Haru's heart-felt words with. From Haru's peripherals, he could see his best friend staring at him with his own watering eyes.

"You don't need to swim for anyone else, Haru. Just swim because you love it. Join a non-competitive team, try other things out. Don't do anything you don't want to do. _Just don't lose your love for water_."

Haru looked up at his friend as the taller boy stood up and wiped away his tears. He extended his hand toward Haru, still with a smear of blood and gave Haru a big smile.

"Haru, let's go to college together."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **What did you think? Should I write another one-shot?**


	2. Aftermath

**This is for CelestiaLovelace, who informed me that there was not, in fact enough fluff. I agreed.**

* * *

It was half an hour before Haru and Makoto headed back to the hotel. Haru looked exhausted, his eyes flat water rather than tide pools, skin snow white rather than sandy, and dark smudges vivid under his eyes. When finally Haru stopped shaking and his eyes dried, Makoto had remembered to send a quick text to Rei that he'd found him.

The entire way back, Haru didn't say a word but this time he wasn't suffering and resigned, just weary and recovering.

水

Nagisa had his hand clapped over his mouth, trying to staunch the whimpers and sobs he had no power over. Rei had no way to help him but to hold his shaking shoulders, try to pull his hand away and encourage him to cry for his friend.

"I-I didn't realize Haru-chan didn't feel w-well!" Nagisa choked out. Over the last ten minutes, this had been his mantra. The younger boy was stuck on the fact that he hadn't known what Haru was thinking. "H-Ha-Haru-chan was being too quiet!" Rei used the palm of his hand to wipe his own tears away. I was far from beautiful but their was no way he could be in a situation like this.

"I'm sure Makoto-senpai had better luck finding him, Nagisa-kun, Haru-senpai will be back with us in no time at all." His own voice sounded too thick to be believable. Nagisa and himself had been in charge of searching the building the competition was in but when they hadn't found him there, they'd gone back to the hotel to check as well. Eventually, Nagisa practically collapsed half way from their room to Haru and Makoto's. Between them, Makoto, both adults, Kou and Rin, someone must have found him by now. Rei's phone chimed, pulling him out of his thoughts. He had to wipe his eyes again to focus on the small, bright screen but it was worth it when he did.

 _On my way back with Haru. Please hold on a little longer._

Rei found himself reading the message out loud and Nagisa jumped onto Rei with a tight hug before crying even louder.

水

"Here we are," Makoto said, holding the door open for Haru as they entered their room. Haru wordlessly made his way over to his bed before sprawling out and closing his eyes. Makoto sighed, turning the bathroom light on instead of the over-head and rummaging around the room for some things Haru might need. By the time he had updated everyone via text and approached Haru, he looked like he might be sleeping. Makoto hesitated before gently urging his friend awake. The boy's blue eyes were slow to open.

"Here, Haru-chan. You shouldn't get dehydrated. Do you have a headache?" Makoto asked, handing him a bottle of water. The lines drawn in Haru's forehead by his furrowed brow were enough to tell him so without Haru's small, sleepy nod. He handed his friend two pain killers. "Sorry, they're going to make you a little tired…"

Haru swallowed them and handed back a half-emptied bottle of water. Makoto set it down and gently took Haru's hand, wiping the small cuts on his hands with antiseptic. Once he was done, Haru collapsed back onto the bed and breathed deeply, cheeks slightly flushed.

"Huh?" Makoto hadn't realized it earlier but… "Haru, do you have a fever?" He placed a large hand over Haru's forehead, sweeping away his damp bangs. He wasn't burning up, but his temperature was high enough to be concerning. "I'll get you a moist towel right away!"

水

 _Blue lips breach the icy surface_

 _Thunderous introversion eclipsing the stars_

 _And smokey suffocation circulating in his blood,_

 _Weighed to the ocean floor_

 _Air is scarce under tons of pressure_

水

Rin was laying back on his bed staring at the ceiling. Most of his team had gone to enjoy the attractions and events the hotel was sponsoring but he was far from in the mood to have fun. He'd been texting Makoto but it seemed like he wasn't needed at the moment. And he didn't know what to make of his fight with Haru earlier. He couldn't push away the nagging guilt of yelling at his friend when he was so obviously stressed out. He was scrolling through the texts again when there was a hesitant knock on the door. Rin almost thought about not answering but thought better of it—he was the team captain after all.

He opened the door, seeing one of the first year students, a small statured boy with black hair and brown eyes.

"Nichi-chan?" Rin asked, surprised that he of all people would come to his door. He was almost as shy as—

"Rin-senpai! You know the boy would stopped swimming in the Free today, don't you?"

"Don't mention that to me, it isn't your business. In fact, forget it happened." He moved out of the doorway, ready to dismiss the underclassman.

"W-wait! I saw him last night!" The boy continued quickly.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Rin asked, curiosity outweighing any hostility from seconds before.

"I was nervous for the competition—even though I wasn't competing or anything—but I was walking in the park. I saw that boy jogging, but well, he didn't look very good. Then he just keeled over! I wanted to bring him the hospital but he refused and walked away but he looked really scared before he fell over, Rin-senpai!"

Rin tried to make a sound out of his throat as he digested this information. He tired thanking him before he shut the door again and started getting ready.

水

Makoto checked to make sure Haru was sleeping comfortably before he went to answer the urgent knock at the door.

"Makoto-chan! We're here to see Haru—" Nagisa exclaimed before Rei covered his mouth to keep him quiet, noticing the lights were off. Nagisa blushed, adjusting the large bag he was carrying on his back. "Sorry!" He said, slipping past the tall swimmer and catching a glimpse of Haru. He dropped his bag and ran over to his friend. "Oh, Haru-chan!" He whimpered.

"Um, what's in the bags?" Makoto asked.

"We're sleeping over, it's our duty as underclassmen to watch over our upperclassmen." Rei announced, adjusting his glasses.

Makoto sweat-dropped. "Um, it isn't but you're welcome to stay. I'm sure it will make Haru very happy." Rei and Makoto also made their way over to Haru, the latter switching out the wet towel on his forehead.

"Huh? He's sound asleep? Is he sick?" Rei was instantly very concerned, mentally rifling through any medical facts he had learned.

"I gave him some pain killers that made him tired but it might be for the best. He was very overwhelmed…he gave himself a slight fever. He's only at 100.7 degrees but I won't take any chances." Makoto said, looking fondly at his best friend.

"Mm!" The two underclassmen agreed.

They turned around in surprise when the door was carelessly slammed open.

"R-Rin!" Nagisa tried to whisper but failed, turning to face the redhead.

"He's here?" Rin looked around, fists clenched, ready to force out an apology from his clenched teeth. Makoto hurried over to Rin, covering his mouth and bringing a finger up to his his own. Rin followed Makoto's gaze as it darted over to the bed.

The four swimmers kept their voices down, sitting on the hotel room's old stiff carpet. They played every kind of card game they could think of until it was dark and finally Haru stirred and sat up. The swimmer's blue eyes widened and he looked around in surprise. Makoto realized he probably didn't remember what happened after returning to the hotel room.

Makoto moved to sit next to him on the bed and placed a gentle hand on Haru's shoulder.

Haru met everyone's eyes. Nagisa's, teary with relief, Rei's throughly sweeping for signs of illness, Rin, throughly apologetic, and finally, Makoto's.

"You can rely on us for everything, Haru. Just swim. That's your only job, swim Free."

Haru's lips turned up, blush touching his pale cheeks. His small laugh was at his anxieties from before. He could never drown when he had such important people in his life. And it took almost falling apart for him to realize what had been keeping him together this whole time.

* * *

水 means 'water'

 **Better? Please review with comments or suggestions!**


End file.
